Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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