Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
