Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
zippers are such a cool invention
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
