the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
