is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The uberlube is also flammable
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
