did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
