she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just cropdusted the office
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
