Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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