I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
