I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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