He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
