Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
