just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
