I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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