we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
