exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
