thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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