well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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