omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
