I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
