I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
