i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
