so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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