i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
