6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This is not my ceiling
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
