I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
