he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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