do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
