you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
