Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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