First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
