Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
