I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
