I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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