I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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