ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
