He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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