I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
