I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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