Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
