New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
