I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
