So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
