I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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