just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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