He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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