I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
