I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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