FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
