Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
