You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My balls are so social today.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
