How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
