I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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