So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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