It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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