is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
