People with herpes should wear stickers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
