So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
