Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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