apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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