I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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