did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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