when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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