I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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