She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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