did you get engaged???
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
