Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
