I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm like, not good at living.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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