so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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