thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
