4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
