omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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