I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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