I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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