Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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