Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
