im drinking this country out of the recession.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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