shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I smell stomach acid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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