My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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